Thursday, April 1, 2010

Car crash

Today started out like any other day. Little did I know, my trip would take a drastic turn and head down a road I never saw coming.

I was seeing the countryside at my standard 6 miles an hour and turned it on auto pilot. The old legs were churning out the miles with no effort at all. I was completely oblivious to the actual happenings around me, not that there was an overwelming amount of activity. The only thing that seemed to matter was the weather. It was another perfect day. High of 83 and clouds hadn't graced me with their presence the entire day.

I was humming along a particularly straight section of road when I heard a logging truck coming up behind me. This is very common as they travel quite frequently on every road I happen to be on. I ignored the sound because I run into traffic and knew he would be at least 15 feet to my right.

As the truck got closer I glanced back and noticed a car in front of him. I paid no attention to this very minor detail because it simply didn't concern me.

Closer still, I heard the truck's engine slow as I assumed he was approaching the car in front of him. Then I heard the engine roar to life as the driver pushed the accelorator to the floor. I glanced back out of curiosity and notice him changing lanes to pass the car in front of him. I moved closer to the 2 inch area they call a shoulder but couldn't move off the road because of the large ditch just to my left. I glanced back one more time to see the truck 5 feet directly behind me. I did all I could to and jumped.

The front of the truck hit me straight on and immediatly I was pinned between the grill of the monster and the handlebars of the jogging stroller I've been pushing. The stroller was accelorated to the same speed as the truck and was now the only thing keeping me from becoming roadkill. I pushed the jogger forward just enough to sit atop the handlebars and essentially surf on the stroller in a lame attempt to get the driver's attention. Of course, that didn't work. I simply was not tall enough.

I knew that jumping off my life line would result in certain injury, but how long could I really ride a fully packed stroller?

I recalled a specific Bond movie and decided my best bet would be to climb on the underside of the truck and pull myself up at the driver's window. It was my only shot...

As I began my scramble I was being sprayed with rocks, twigs, and other various roadkill and wondered if that would soon be me. After what seemed like an eternity of climbing hot metal, I made it to the cockpit of the bozo who initially hit me. He slammed on the brakes when I popped my head up at his window. I wasn't expecting it so I was thrown forward and barely grabbed onto the side mirror in time.

He climbed down from his truck ad started yelling at me and I explained what happend. He felt so bad, he offered me a ride. I then explained what I was supposed to be doing. He then offered to drive me all the way to Tybee Island. Unfortunately, I couldn't resist.

I'm writing this on the beach of Tybee Island. It's nice here. Sorry if I disappointed anyone.

...April fools.

-- Patrick


  1. FAIL.
    Not nearly as believable as the New Mexico or Arizona Mob story. On April 1 I was prepared for this so it just didn't get traction.

    What's next, a kid on a bridge playing a banjo?

    Hit the road.

  2. When you run through any where,especially AL, pushing a stroller with no baby and talk to yourself, you will get looks

  3. Patrick, You got me with this one! My heart had sunk to my feet! Praise God you haven't had a one on one with a log truck..and by the way your writing skills are okay~ :0